TREV (Cont’d)

                   Age before bra size.

Cheryl hits him in the back.

                            SHEENA

                Not working this morning, love?

                             TREV

              Just taking a few flags up to the lads mum,thought I’d come and have a bacon sarnie with you.

                             SHEENA

             Oh how thoughtful, I’ll get the pan on.

Sheena unlocks and opens her front door, theare a few LETTERS on the door mat.

INT. INSIDE HOUSE HALLWAY – DAY.

                              SHEENA

           Oh just pick up those for me will ya Cheryl.

Cheryl collects the mail from the mat and thumbs through the letters. One letter seizes her attention. It reads “Lancashire Area Health Authority” She looks to her mother nervously.Sheena looks to Cheryl. She is obviously worried. Her eyes glaze.

                               TREV

          What have you got in these bags mam? I believe you’ve  carried these from town.

                              CHERYL

                          It’s come mum.

                              SHEENA

                          Oh mother of god.

Completely oblivious to what the two women are concerned about, but noticing their worry, Trev stands there holding the shopping.He gives a nervous laugh.

                                TREV

                      What … What is it … mum?

4. Trev enters and leaves builders merchants.

5. Lads turn up at No 43. Start unloading.

EXT. FOOTPATH OUTSIDE SHEENA’S HOUSE – DAY.

SHEENA COOPER, Trev’s mum is a 53 year old Irish catholic. She is heading towards her garden gate carrying supermarket shopping bags. Sheena 57 lost her husband Jimmy 17 years ago. She is with Cheryl who is carrying one clearly visible MISS SELFRIDGE BAG.

SHEENA

Well he did say two to three weeks.

CHERYL(Concerned)

Yeah but it’s been three now, mum. You should ring him.

SHEENA

I don’t like to bother them, love, you know what I’m like.

A CAR HORN SOUNDS.

Anyway shhh. Our Trevor’s here.Trev pulls up alongside in his van and jumps out.

TREV

Morning girls, been shopping have we?

Trev looks at the bags being carried.

SHEENA

Hello Trevor love.

TREV(Concerned)

Hey mum don’t carry all them bags yourself… let Miss selfish here carry em.

Cheryl gives a forced sarcastic smile.

TREV (to SHEENA)

Give em here.

Trev takes all Sheena’s bags and kicks the gate open.

Trev (cont’d)

Ladies

Right get yourself off to 43, we’ll have it finished by dinner. I’ll be along in a bit I’ve got to nip to’ builder’s merchants get some flags.

Before he leaves he pulls Barry to one side.

TREV

You all right, mate?

                    BARRY

Yeah, just Karen angry cos I got in late, you know.

TREV

You sure? Nothing to do with them bandits is it?

Barry bows his head.

TREV (cont’d)

Listen if its money, I can lend you a couple of hundred quid till you get yourself sorted out.

BARRY(Reluctantly)

What about a couple of thousand?

TREV

Jesus! … Your joking, two grand? Listen man you have got to get this sorted, there’s people can help you, therapists and that. Promise me you’ll do something.

Barry nods.

TREV

Make sure you do, Baz.

He pats him on the shoulder.

TREV (to all)

Right I’m away, see you lot at 43 later. And don’t be late getting there, you know she’s an ex headmistress, she’ll be taking’ register in ten minutes.

(All Laugh)

MONTAGE.1. Trev driving away from yard, he turns on the radio. Playing is “Police and thieves by the clash”

2. Trev’s van drives past the Flame, Trev Smiles. Policemen mill about the car park.

Oh you wanna stop that right in its tracks, Baz, let her know who’s the boss.

Joe makes a “back of his hand” slapping gesture.

TREV

Oh listen to Clair Rayner here, never had a bird in his life, but all of a sudden he’s a fuckin expert.

JOE

Course I’ve had birds, man and I’ll tell you something else … they know their place.

Joe presses his thumb down hard on the side of the van.

MALC

Oh yeah, one word from you and they do what they fucking like.

(Laugh).

JOE

(Tongue in cheek)

No Malcolm. You’re wrong I’m afraid. You see the women in my life come to me for one thing, and one thing only … sex … that’s all.

Trev, Barry and Malc laugh.

joe (cont’d)

Hey I’m not joking, I’m known as the Blackburn Casanova

…Laugh…

 You might laugh but when I’m doing the business, if there’s not someone there to drag em out from under me, they get shagged twice.

All the lads are now laughing, including Joe.

TREV

Ok, listen I’ve just come past the Flame, there’s coppers everywhere, so not a word about last night to nobody. Without the bandit they can’t point the finger at anyone.

The lads nod.

BARRY(Saddened)

Karen, you don’t understand, love.

KAREN(Screaming again)

Oh I understand all right, tell me you bastard, tell me!

Karen desperately starts slapping Barry.

BARRY(Shouting)

No … No!   There is no other woman, Karen … it’s …

Barry looks to Karen as though he is about to tell her of his addiction.

 From upstairs they hear the sound of their BABY CRYING. Barry pushes past Karen and leaves. Karen falls to the floor and breaks down.

EXT. COOPERS YARD – DAY

Joe and Malc are in Trev’s yard preparing to go out. They are wearing general builder’s clothes, Joe has a pair of specially adapted work boots with high heels. The yard is small and messy. In the corner is a small shed that serves as an office/store.The lads are loading a small well worn pick up truck with equipment.Trev rolls up in the transit van just as Barry appears from the shed, bleary eyed and depressed. He is wrapped in a tatty old ORANGE BLANKET.

TREV

Fuckin hell, Its Barry Krishna.

Joe(Chanting)

Harry Ramsdens, Harry Ramsdens.

BARRY

Shag off.

TREV

Have you been in there all night?

Barry nods.

JOE

Ha ha, your Karen kicked you out for coming home late, didn’t she?

BARRY

Summat like that.

Yeah, Trev and Joe.

Barry turns and wanders through to the Kitchen, he senses Karen smells a rat.

KAREN

You lying bastard!

She picks up a piece of PAPER. Shouting, she follows him in to the kitchen.

KAREN (cont’d)

Who else was there?

BARRY

That’s it, me Malc, Trev and Joe … that’s all… no one else.

KAREN

Liar liar liar!

I opened your Barclay Card statement. Two and a half thousand pounds Barry, two and a half thousand!

Barry, embarrassed and unable to tell her the truth stands silently and leans head bowed at the kitchen work top. She shoves the paper hard under his chin before reading from it.

KAREN (cont’d)

… on the fifteenth one hundred pounds. Seventeenth one hundred and sixty, another on the seventeenth at the Starlight Casino eighty pounds. Are you listening?

Karen’s voice now lowers, she needs some answers.

KAREN (cont’d)…

(Beat)…

Who is she? Tell me!

Barry turns to Karen, startled. He has never and would not dream of cheating on her. He is torn between the truth of his gambling addiction and Karen’s misconception of him.

BARRY

No, No there is no other woman!

KAREN

Liar! All your mates are single… Joe, Trev, Malc … You wanna be like them don’t you? Who is she … tell me!

(Louder whisper)

Oyy, can you two pillocks hear me? Throw it over.

JOE(To Barry)

C’mon, let’s smash the bastard.

BARRY

Look out, it’s coming!

EXT. CANAL TOWPATH – DAWN.

(SLOW MOTION)

 The fruit machine comes hurtling over the wall. With a huge splash it lands in the middle of the canal.

(NORMAL PACE)

 All four lads look on in total disbelief as the fruit machine bobs in the water. On the front of the machine is a grinning pirate with a dagger in his mouth. Then, in a flurry of bubbles, it sinks without a trace.Trev turns to look at Joe and Barry peering over the wall. Hardly believing what he has just seen, he shakes his head.

TREV

Pair of fuckin’ Muppets.

EXT. BARRY’S HOUSE – DAWN.

Barry walks up the drive of his house, he looks dejected and apprehensive about going in. He enters quietly.

INT. BARRY’S HOUSE – DAWN.

His wife KAREN is in her nightclothes waiting for him, she has clearly been crying.

BARRY

Hello love, what you doing still up?

KAREN

I could ask you the same.

BARRY

A few of us went back to Malc’s just had a couple of drinks and a game of cards. Bit boring really sorry I’m late love, just could not get a taxi.

KAREN

Just you and the lads?

I’ll tell you why you’re lifting the bandit, cos you’ve got the shoes for it, haven’t you? It’s easier for you … You’re already three inches off the ground.

He does not understand Trev’s logic, but assumes he is right.Trev turns and winks at the other lads. He grabs two BUCKETS from the van.He gives one to Malc.

TREV (to malc)

Follow me.

They both scramble down a grass banking that leads to the towpath.

EXT. CANAL TOWPATH – DAWN.

TREV(To Malc)

As soon as it breaks open, fill the buckets and we’re off.

MALC

Ok.

TREV(Loud whisper)

Ok, we’re clear, throw it over.

EXT. CANAL BRIDGE – DAWN.

Joe and Barry are looking over the bridge.Struggling they lift the fruit machine.

BARRY(To Joe)

Hang on a minute.

The lads put the fruit machine down. Joe thinks Barry just needs a breather. He watches in disbelief as Barry fumbles in his pocket and pulls out a pound coin. He stands in front of the machine as he would in a bar.Pauses and then puts the coin in the slot.His forehead falls on to the machine and he realizes the true extent of his fruit machine addiction.

BARRY(Close to tears)

Bastard machines, bastard machines.

TREV

Right, Ronnie Biggs, pull up over there, next to the wall.

EXT. CANAL BRIDGE – DAWN.

The van pulls up next to a STONE WALL. Over the wall is a long drop down to a broad towpath by a canal.Trev surveys the drop from the bridge, the rest of the lads struggle to get the bandit out of the van. Joe does the majority of the lifting.

TREV

Right, me and Malc are gonna go down there, when I give you the word throw it over the wall on to the towpath, but not till we’re well out of the way.

JOE(Out of breath)

Hey how come it’s always me that’s lifting this bastard? My knackers are gonna be like pineapples in the morning.

TREV

There you go again, talking about your balls. Have you realized not a sentence goes by without you mentioning em? I think you’ve got a problem, mate, you’ve got one of them fetishes, no, not a fetish, what is it … an hang up.

JOE

Have I bollocks.

Trev stands looking at Joe silently, eyebrows raised as if to say “told you”.Joe, realizing he is mentioning his balls quite a lot, slowly moves his hand over his groin in a reassuring protective way.

That’s just it, Baz, you don’t have to. None of us do.

BARRY

I do. It’s like an addiction or something. You like a drink, He (Joe) likes chasing women he has no chance of shaggin …

JOE

Fuck off.

BARRY

… big fellah likes thumpin people. Me, I put money in these bastards.

(Beat)

Then they bleed me dry. Take everything I have and spit me out with fuck all. They’re like them women in the Jason and the Argonaut films, What they called? The ones that sit on the rocks singing, luring sailors to their deaths.

Trev

Sirens.

Malc is busy driving and isn’t following the conversation.

Malc

What?

Trev

Sirens.

Malc(Very worried)

Oh Fuck! Where? … Shit! Are they behind us?Malc puts his foot down and the van lurches to the side of the road, as Malc checks around the vehicle for police. The lads are thrown around in the back.

All

Whoa!!

Trev

No you divvy. Sirens. Sirens are the women in the film.

Malc

What? … Oh Jesus, thank god for that, thank you Barry fuckin Norman. You nearly gave me a heart attack here, I thought we’d been nabbed … I’ve’ never been a getaway driver in a shitty tranny van before … always used decent motors, jags and that.